I know its time to do laundry... i cant even find a dirty sock to wear because they all have jizz in them
Anddd after the worst sex of my life, he said.."do you mind taking off the condom, tying it up, and throwing it at the door?" Weird.
he said my vag tasted like ravioli n pennies... i forgot I was on my period
Its not small because its small, Its small because it was cold outside
I might never shower again without beer.. I might also always drink naked
you dipped you banana in queso last night.
He left his own bachelor party to bring me weed. Then smoked with me. Tell me I'm not his favorite-ex-friends-with-benefits.
I'm not leaving bed today. And i guess my drunken ass last night hit my roommate in the face with a tiki torch then proceeded to cry while carrying around a picture of he who must not being name. I'm a piece of work.
Bombed my 8 a.m. exam and the liquor store doesn't open till noon. Drinking unfinished beers from last night till they open.
I told him that his face would look perfect between my legs. One of my most successful strategies yet.
lets talk about you, dubstep, and a bunny suit.
she stole my Timberlands and my Sublime shirt and left her heels and bra. this is war
I'm just saying, I walked in on you blowing a burrito. I now understand how obsessed you are with Taco Bell. And how long it's been since you've got some.
Im sorry you'll never get the feeling of closeness when you go to pee outside and you realize you're peeing right where someone else just peed
He literally ejaculated and I hit Uber
Randomize
