I just accidentally handed the ticket lady a condom instead of the intended ticket. I am now the official whore of Harry Potter.
My entire life is one complicated drinking game
As soon as I saw the video camera and red light on, I started rolling my eyes when he would put it in me and telling him maybe his dick was too small cause I didn't feel anything...trust me that tape is going nowhere
Just saved her as "new hostess that randy banged" ...I forgot her name
My name in their phones is "That Girl". If i can't get it to go away, I might as well live up to it.
But today feels so special with katie getting herpes and me cleaning my room. Good things are happening.
Things I learned last night: 1. Bacardi 151 is a one-way ticket to the toilet, 2. It is possible for a human being to turn into Mount Vesuvius
we should look into getting a golf cart for the weekend. i have a feeling legs wont be a sufficient source of transportation.
it's like getting dryhumped by a chainsaw in the very best possible way
Hey, met you at the bar last night. You probably dont remember my name. You and your friends came back to my place, you shattered my window with your fist then dipped. Your gonna need to pay for that.
Thats where this cut came from! Thanks for piecing together the puzzle dude.
I have to remind myself to breathe. That hungover.
If I had a dollar for every straight boy that questioned their sexuality because of me, I would live a comfortable middle-class life.
You've never really lived until you tell someone you have an STD over snap chat.
You know it was a weird night when you find curly fries in your purse the next morning...
I just ate broccoli before drinking. Does that make me a responsible adult?
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