I've heard semen is good for your skin though, so that pimple on my chin should clear right up.
I just bought a large Pizza and Xanex in the same store...my night is complete
Last time I heard from you, you were double fisting strawberry milk and wine. Answer this text so I know you're still alive. Bonus points for a coherent answer.
We can see it once so I can see the whole movie, then I'll go see it with him so I know when the boring parts are and I can have sex with him during those parts
You just made it sound like a children's toy! It's a functioning body organ, my vagina is not a gameboy!!!
Walking into the first day of college is like walking into a meat market. A meat market of sex.
Matt says that there are strip club auditions in our living room and he'd like you to audition.
She seriously spent 30 minutes trying to make balloon animals out of my limp dick...
...
Exactly.
I'm going as either a recovering alcoholic, or as a guy who came to the party straight from work. Too literal?
And as cleavage season comes to a close, so blooms a new season of yoga pants. And the people rejoiced.
Pretty sure I was impersonating Rihanna when I kept asking him what my name was while we were making out
I'm 99% sure I just flashed my dad with my vagina. So that's the new low now.
I was going down on her and she started whistling "Whistle while you work." I'm in love.
I woke up to him crying and pouring pixy stix in my mouth saying they would bring me back to life.
she keeps trying to brush her hair with leaves and insisting she's not high
Randomize
