Omg. Budweiser tramp-stamp sighting @ Wal-mart. Best tattoo EVAR.
What about the words "You're my personal dildo" made him say "I love you"?
There are drunk kids outside our building hugging that cop that's always on his bike as he's citing them for public drunkenness. It's not even 11 am.
After he was done he gave me a case of landshark and tickets to tomorrows yankee game. This is the best nonrelationship ever
I guess our biggest consolation is that we haven't woken up in a hottub with a dead dude. Yet.
I mean we had sex in a crib. You tell me how my night was.
Nope. If I'm going to drive an hour to fuck a teacher, it will NOT be missionary thats for damn sure.
So I walk in and he's teaching someone in London via Skype how to roll a blunt. I have new found respect for him.
He wants me to have his first child. So that makes four gay men that've called dibs on my eggs.
Did I run away from you last night?
Yeah it was a great moment for our friendship
He sat on me and said I owed him $10, when I asked why he just said "lap dance"
Someone I just met told me they were going to name their kid after me. Daylight savings is weird.
he sent me the greatest dick pic I've ever received.
he actually took the time to cut a fingertip off of a glove then put it on his dick like a beanie. he called it hipster dick.
HOW DID I LET MYSELF GET SUCKED IN HE HAS A PENIS FOR PETE'S SAKE.
You're a problem for me, dick game too good. In the future when I'm with someone I actually wanna to date, now I'm gonna compare.
Randomize
