If my vagina had boots, it would be shaking in them.
I'm convinced that Kathy Griffin and Andy Dick are the same person...
The only reason I kept his number in my phone for so long is so that hed pay for my abortion.
Holy shit bill nye is being consulted as an expert on cnn and hes credited as the science guy. What the fuck is the world coming to?
Either I'm losing my touch or ED is running rampant in 20 something men now
hey, this is the ginger girl from the party...i've thought about it and I wanna join the american girl drinking team
I gotta find new tactics tho. There's just so many tied up dicks one can look at before part of your soul dies.
in the middle of fucking he asked me if i had gotten a haircut because he noticed i didnt have split ends anymore. i dont know what to think
Just saw the german running around on campus. Thought of his small penis.
As you should.
I'm going as either a recovering alcoholic, or as a guy who came to the party straight from work. Too literal?
Come get your boy. He's cuddling with a bag of rice on the floor.
Dude. My knees have no hair on them and they're bruised. My thigh is killing me. I have about 1000 texts to about 5 exes which I horribly regret. I have pictures of my own penis on my phone. I can't find my iPad. And I have work in an hour.
BRING KITTENS I AM A GENIUS
I felt like I crashed a wedding. Everyone was dressed so nice and I was covered in actual dirt and a little blood.
The next morning I found her spread eagle asleep on the living room floor and he was asleep with his head in her crotch. I needed a ride and had to wake them up.
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