A hot woman with candy. This is what heaven is filled with
The chick I went home with last night had a happy trail
I now beleive the Trojan Ecstasy ad "feels like nothing's there". They forgot to add "...cause the condom broke."
Yeah but he's impersonating a gargoyle jumping off of everything. Including the walls.
I feel like I've been drunk all of June. And I am in NO WAY ashamed about it.
Potato salad is not cupcake ingredient
I don't think we had sex because when I woke up he was still wearing the chicken suit.
Matt just ate a burger out of the trash can in front of the McDonalds. We need to have a serious talk about his drinking.
Times have changed. Freshman year I could throw my shirt in a bonfire and still get laid. Now when I puke in my girlfriend's bed on her birthday I'm "an asshole"
I'm up in my room and I just saw a naked guy sprint out into the streets from my mom's party downstairs
I put his pb&j sandwich in my bra and never looked back
I called 911 when they kicked me out of the bar last night.
How likely is it that we can see each other tomorrow night? I want to shave my legs in good faith but it's cold outside and my bathroom is drafty.
Made it to the top o the stairs ALIVE YES FUCJ YOU GRAVITY
Let's do something tonight. I feel like setting things on fire.
Randomize
