The bar is so dead the tender gave us free shots for staying. They mixed 2pac and phil collins. That's worth at least three shots.
I'm drinking ghetto ass mojitos!
Wow. How can mojitos be ghetto?
Squirt + bacardi limon + limes = ghetto mojitos
Hi, I just found this phone under my seat at a brewers game and seeing as you're entered in as 'fillllatio' I figured I'd ask you if you know the illiterate ass who owns this phone. Thanks :)
do you want me to make hamburgers?
i'm vegan
i'll put lettuce on them
Dude you have to stop using "I eat good pussy" as a pick up line
on a brighter note, the strip club found my atm card
Just saw a hooker eating a pastrami sandwich walking down beach blvd blowing kisses to traffic. My day = made
I feel like a cloud. A cloud that wants to be laid.
Was in the middle of a keg stand, the frat guys dropped me, and I broke my nose. My mom didn't enjoy that call from the hospital.
This is kind of a weird question but were you the other girl Ben asked to do a group sex thing with?
He just compared our sex to a grand slam on Wii fitness
You're doing it right
Well, she yelled at the stripper that she couldn't lick whipped cream off his nipples because she is lactose intolerant.
Damn you are the highwater mark of the naked women in my life. Like idk what lined up but yeah.
I hear my roommate snoring and I feel bad for his girlfriend but then I hear them having sex and I guess it all works out in the end.
My orgasm happened in two different decades
Randomize
