Dude, this old lady messaged me on Facebook talking about her grandson and wanted to know shit about me. I'd almost call her a cougar except she looks like mashed potatoes that have come alive.
Listening to her yell about my drinking problem is not helping my hangover.
I didn't realize how much I missed him until his balls were back in my mouth..
SLUTTIEST. 4TH. EVER.
I was handcuffed to a girl for half-an-hour. And I'm still the only one in the house who didn't get laid.
He had a curved dick....must be a european thing
I have now added draft and wells specials that different bars have to my blackberry calendar.. Help me.
I AM TEN TEQUIA SHOOTS ON AND I JUST SAW SOMEONE DO A BODY SHOT OFFF OF JESUS
THIS FEELS SO WROG AND OH SO RIGHT
Rainbow fish was a wild success, got wasted at 6 gave away most my scales and made out with max from where the wild things are.You'd be so proud
I'm in the middle no shirt white shorts humping the white dustbuster next to the guy shooting off the tazer infront of the two guys humping on the bicycle
I gave him a bunch of ideas to use to spice up their sex life. Say what you will, I am the best 'other' woman ever!
The fact that he quoted freebird as his breakup speech was a little more classy than expected
I can't even spell what he said he was on. And I had to call 4 people before someone had heard of it.
Listen, if I miss the flight to Vegas because she's still rimming my ass, it will have been worth it.
I woke up this morning and my house is covered in shredded cheese with my laptop open and a google image search for "awesome shit".
Randomize