He just screamed at her, "if you pass out i am still having sex with you!!!" In front of the entire party.
Can I use you as a job reference? Don't tell them i got you fired cause I banged you tho
She is chewing on staples and spitting them at her cat, I think it's time to leave..
he has the hands of the vagina gods.
Fucking plugged the shower with taquitos I just threw up.
they're both probably 7 inches? or 8? I'm shoving a ruler in my mouth trying to figure it out
I didn't punch him it was just love coming out of my fist
He simply fell in the fire, rolled out and continued to finish his bottle of vodka. Everyone else instantly sobered up just watching it.
We have a nice shopping list..vibrators and roller blades
Priorities
Note to self. The tub labelled "not water" does not contain water.
Got too starbucks. 3out of the 4 girls working i have ducked and haven't ever called. My coffee has dick written on it. It may contain spit by pumpkin lattes are only once a year
Well I'm half drunk in a green tutu at a chipotle. So pretty good parade.
My hook-up from last week somehow found me at the club, saw the girl I was trying to fuck, kissed me right in front of her, and walked off.
Regardless I WANT TO BE YOUR SEX DISPENSARY. that is like the career I was born for.
I’m glad they have a happy marriage but why do they have to inflict it on the rest of us?
Randomize
