she was trying to give me a handjob in biology class while we were learning about the penis.
Dude, she's just using you for your money, and Cavs tickets.
Honestly, what else do I have going for me?
You make a valid point.
Just did free shots of tequila at a walmart. Hello Mexico
ROOF CAVED IN, WE'RE GUNNA MAKE A WATERSLIDE
I only saw you for about 5 min, but you were rambling about how not even the whiskey could make you fight the skeleton guards.
My face feels like its stuck between a ball sack and an asshole.
We just laid there in bed together, petting his dick and repeating, "IT FEELS LIKE VELVET!!!"
Threw up on the baby. National Tequila Day is the eve of National I'm A Horrible Nanny Day.
if i ever get hit by a car or something and become paralyzed promise me youll still be here to hand feed me shots and light my bowls please
I slapped him but he didn't wake up. He just nuzzled my head, hugged me closer, and smiled.
I can't decide if I'm depressed or if this is just what life without a bidet feels like.
If I stopped drinking I'd have to take up murdering.
Now it's a thing. He's kind of a creeper and now he's lotioning me. This is going to turn into a Buffalo Bull situation.
I can still taste your cum in my mouth and my in-laws are coming over. This should go well.
it will be a surprise...all I can say is stripper clown.
Randomize
