This morning when you woke up you looked like one of the Wii Bowling people. I think it was the eyebrows combined with the sambuca
the cop asked for your social security number and you gave her your high school locker combo
craigslist free llama. are you in or are you in?
Then he said something about how from that angle I looked just like his mom.
Hey since its national brother week is that eiffel tower option with your girlfriend still on the table?
First thing on my "to do" list- get sober for community service.
Why is there a condom in the dishwasher...
Just followed a blind kid around for 20 minutes to see how awesome his guide dog was. And he was pretty fucking awesome
You know you're in the hamptons when it's 10pm And you kind of want to vomit white wine on rug that costs more than your apartment.
How is it possible that I'm still a virgin and you've managed to have sex in a cheetah print onesie TWICE
I sent you a snap of me in the bath, and you sent me a snap of a taco. An actual taco.
He follows more cats on Instagram then he does girls.. That's how you know your boyfriend is whipped.
I'm sorry, that really sucks. I'm in the bath eating lasagna and if anyone comes in here it's going to be bad news for them
i'm at work, alone, drinking a spiced chai & fireball hot toddy. holiday OT isn't that bad after all.
The career specialist read an Onion article to us. Please send help.
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