If everyone lived like me, we would need 5.9 earths. Fuck yes america.
Redeem this text for a blowjob
trust me, there is no more disappointing feeling in the world than waking up at 4 in the morning with a random half naked chick in your bed and then realizing your roommates girlfriend just wandered into the wrong room.
I just want to go some place where I can have a nice night. Grind on men who speak no English, make out with a girl, and not feel judged.
Why is there not a 'day after acid' genre. Or even a pandora station or something.
That's the girl I met who was peeing on the driveway with me. We bonded
Well, we could've been at the bar taking a shot everytime my rash spread. But Noooooo. You had to go out with your non- girlfriend. Lame.
he was having a black light party and drinking manischewitz wine out of a three foot tall trophy he stole from mcdonald's...that's when I decided it was time to leave
I just had the most intense bikini wax of my life, i felt like i needed guardrails
Look I'm sorry I stuffed your wife's bouquet toss but I won't have that weak shit in my house.
What the hell did you do last night?
I embarrassed myself, my family, name, and possibly my country.
"Why is there a bottle of Tequila taped to the fan?"
I come home to my brother mixing skittles and vodka. We're all proud of him.
He ate me out while I stood on his bed drinking a Rainier.
I have a mailbox and I don't know why.
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