I heard we made out
Enough with studying for finals. Time to put that my little pony coloring book to use.
Someone in a vagina costume on campus.
Also I think my taxi driver may have just died and we just happen to be on a 35 mph cruise control on 395...
U were yelling that I wasn't generous or supportive. Then you kneeled and said this weird prayer about the windows and doors of your life.
Things were easy when he was just a penis. Now he's a penis with feelings.
Come over. We have tacos... And girls who took their clothes off. But mainly, tacos.
He offered to teach me how hula hoop in exchange for acid. I took him up on it.
Let's be honest. I make up for my well below average sized penis with a great personality and a possibly successful future
The time stamp on this text message is reason enough alone to not leave me unsupervised
EW HE LOOKS LIKE SOMEONE'S DAD
A respectable fucking: good but like I don't want to get kicked out of my hotel room
Don't get mad but There's blood everywhere and the only thing I remember is the bj from your cousin.
By the way I can not feel my vagina. It's like it's asleep. What the hell did you do?
got laid for being an eagle scout again. 4 more and ill have all my merit badges.
Randomize
