I got wasted for the 1st time and I sat in a fridge for 2 hours and a trash can?
Grown men dancing to Spice Girls and a girl wearing one shoe. I belong here
easter eggs filled with ecstasy. it's what jesus would do.
I'm going to start giving girls scratch off lottery tickets when they leave my place in the am. That way they have a chance of not regretting the night before
If I can't get a one-legged man to love me, what the hell chance do I have with a NORMAL guy???
He ripped off his shirt and tried to give me CPR. That damn bong.
When you get a chance, you should call Nick. He REEAAAALLLLLY wants to hear you make chewbacca noises.
Well, that was my first dog walk of shame. Nothing says "I've got my life together" like an inside out shirt and a baggie full of dog shit.
Lol I screamed "GOT AN ORDER OF VERSACE TACOS UP" and the whole kitchen was just like who the fuck is this kid
Oh and apparently something happened that was related to "THIS IS SPARTA" but no one will tell me what I did.
So I'm going to blame my boobs hurting on that.
Ohhh the usual. Laying in bed reflecting on my decisions
i feel like a cleansing fire is the only way to purify the house
Dick is healthier for you than green beans
I've realized that drinking at your apartment alone on a Tuesday probably isn't a good thing.
I took advantage of the fact that my mentee had to go to the bathroom to throw up in the other stall. I'm going to hell for being hungover at an elementary school.
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