I mean a good dj is a huge turn on
I'm wearing a childsize birthday hat and a bib. I am the def of sex appeal rite now
I'm home alone watching The Hills seasons, eating pickles and drinking straight rye. I just googled "how to make friends". Probably not the most pro-active solution. Help.
I wish I could have two rating systems on iTunes. "This one is a 5 star. This one is only a 5 star when I'm baked."
Not just anyone can homewreck on three continents simultaneously
you are my hero
I got a bikini wax for the first time today and I think I now understand feminism.
we got plastered, then made lists of anything thats ever been in our vaginas
I know. Brad is upset because he was lower on the list than "that carrot stick"
if you do the accent, i'll wear the eyepatch
He sent me a vid of himself jerking off. I hope his hands are the size of tennis rackets or it will be a very short date.
The worst thing about him living around the corner is that who ever suggests the booty call is the one that walks over.
This chick at the gym, just informed me I was super funny this weekend. Especially when I untied her friends bikini top after throwing up in the women's restroom. SWEET black out chronicles has another story
He got me a cake that said " Congratulations on the dick "
I feel like shit, and I can't get the band aids off my nipples.
The man at the checkout said "Somebody's not fucking around".
It's gonna be a good night
he was the first penis i touched… i have to go to his shitty bands first gig, i mean come on now
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