That bitch is like a bad destiny's child song.
he's washing the lighter in the sink and telling me to picture unicorns. requesting backup.
i can feel the knowledge leaking out of my brain
replace it with alcohol - nature abhors a vacuum
I just wanna say I did some math and I lasted 1,052,000 more minutes than you at the bar before I got kicked out. That's 729 days. Bitch
He accidentally opened the car door during sex and all the lights came on. Needless to say, that kid passing by who was walking his dog got scarred for life.
We just banged and he's microwaving shrimp noodles and I'm eating tostitos alone in the dark this is why our relationship works
I’m a coke loving, addy selling, pot smoking CRIMINOLOGY major. If there isn't irony in that I give up.
I'm so high. I'm going to need directions to get home.
I changed his name in my phone to "Irrelevant" last night. Not changing it back.
Tonight I researched being a phone sex operator and teaching English at a French school in Africa. I think my future lacks direction
We aren't doing Shrooms tonight bc that would be friendship cheating on you
i can't believe i helped you shave your back last night, and she still didn't sleep with you.
I'm laying in bed cuddling with my teddy bear and eating waffles. I need a fucking boyfriend
I think I left my bra and my crocs in your room
I’m making a jello mold of my penis
Will it be as disappointing as your actual penis?
Randomize
