id fuck shawn from boy meets world only if we could name the baby topanga.
i've lived in the woods for so long, as long as its post-op, i don't care.
I slept with some guy because he drew a dinosaur on my arm
This morning I proved to myself and all the kids on the playground that I can't puke and drive.
First funeral I've ever been to where the cops had to come.
I wonder what my nutrition professor is going to think when I have to put 21 keystone lights, a bottle of merlot wine, and 5 rum and cokes and 4 shots of tequila on my dietary analysis
I wonder what acid is like for a blind person... Can we find this out?
So I peed on what I thought was a wall while in nashville come to find out while running from the cop it was just a dark tinted window and the while bar witnessed me peeing
Well that's the second time I've broken a lamp during sex this month. Starting to worry I'm some kind of X-man. (this one was a wall sconce and I fully smashed it with my head and it crumbled like it was made of sugar)
There is a video recording of my birth. I have seen it. It is terrifying.
You know the party's good when you say "Never have I ever caused an emergency landing" and someone drinks
I don't care if he's the coolest coworker, if he's living in his mom's basement at 30 you should not buy drugs from him
He was the perfect gentleman on our first date. Took me out for candlelit dinner at a fancy restaurant, held open the door, walked me home, and made me cum three times before he got his.
I’m sorry I pressured you for dick pics.
We all love a big dick, but you’re going to develop a reputation if you keep asking every guy at the bar ‘how big your dick’
That’s all I’m saying
Randomize
