If penises could fly, my ass would totally be an airport.
new call of duty comes out in november. guess im not passing my finals
can't believe I ate straight coffee grounds to stay awake for that
my mom just asked me what a queef is. she needs to stop watching south park
Some girl next to me in class is making a list of whta to pack for spring break & it was a normal list until she put birth control in all caps w/ stars around it
She fell asleep on the sidewalk and people starting using her as a hurdle
No i peed with you in the toilet. The guy I high fived was mid pee in front of the urinal
we've got reservations. ask for the eat a bag of dicks table
With the drought our water bill is skyrocketing. No more shower sex, masturbating, or pretending to be under a water fall after smoking a blunt.
Guess who just got out of a ticket because the cop liked her costume? THIS GIRL.
I just had a flashback to the three of us in the bed and me shouting AM I THE BIGGEST OR LITTLEST SPOON?!
just had to get on my knees to snort an addy off the little sink at the daycare. teacher of the year!
He couldn't undo my bra. He ended up breaking the clasp he clawed at it so long. We met on Tinder for God sake
she just kept pointing at the cows and calling them field penguins
low point of the night : a cop just busted out laughing at me.
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