dude i woke up to 20 missed calls from you, 3 from a blocked number and had 13 voicemails that all said "send me a picture of your tits."
so im guessing thats a no.....
i dont care that its taken 20 hrs to pee without hurting, BEST HATE SEX EVER.
So... i mean if they do have cameras in his apartment buildings pool room atleast we gave them a little show.
You passed out across the stairs with your feet and arms through the railings so you "wouldn't fall down when you blacked out and no one could get the pizza past you without waking you up". \n\nYou're the smartest drunk I know.
well right now he's telling us a story how he befriended a racoon
I feel like now would be a good time to apologize for vomiting in your eye
I realize now that I left my pants on that table in the downstairs bathroom at you house on Tuesday....
I told your dad we had a nice lunch and hung out for awhile. It seemed more appropriate than "I had a bite of his canned chili and then we ripped each others clothes off."
Because everyone is allowed one half drunken 7:30 am walk back to campus in a cowgirl costume, right?
Guy just came in wearing only shorts, on his hand was written - my name is ... Call ... And tell them where i am, thanx - in permanent marker, ordered his favorite dish, and left w/out touching it. It's snowing outside.
I just compared his sexting to a plate of spaghetti. And he STILL wants to sleep with me.
FINE YOU CAN EAT HOT WINGS WHILE WE HAVE SEX
Long story short, I found someone who takes me seriously when I say I have a Shakespeare kink.
I accidentally mass texted his dick pic. Not only to my friends, but to my dad as well...
Who the hell tries to steal eggnog.
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