Homeslice needs to figure out he's so 2006
the guy next to me needed a pen, so I let him take one from my book bag. my panties are now being passed around the class...thank you for telling me you hid them in my bookbag.
Just got done reading an 11 page essay for class. Took me three fucking days and the only thing I have highlighted is the name "Alexander Cockburn"
I got you a housewarming gift. It starts with "A" and ends with "bottle of Jameson"
This is the last weekend of getting drunk and having sex all nite with the plumber. I'm exhausted all weekend and I'm never going to finish the remodel at this rate
The salesman looked at me like I was crazy when I explained the need for a headboard that had slats so I could handcuff people to it
Oh and I guess I added our cab driver on Facebook. He has "liked" every single one of my beach pictures. Kill me now.
Yeah. You can ask him out. We're just fuck buddies. My vagina will be sad but your heart can be happy.
NEW INFORMATION meech found me passed out on a bench outside.
We built a fire and had sex in the kiddie pool. Then he washed my hair
Strong work
I got a lap dance from a guy last night dressed as a school girl. Heels and all. His heels got stuck in my fish nets
if i cared i wouldnt have woken you up by pouring a bottle of soy sauce on you.
is that what this stuff is?
I just used my VA prescription bottle of xanax to get a military discount at the liquor store. I win.
Only you could get away with that.
Its okay I found my bra. ...it was on your cat. I wont ask questions.
I don't have a cat..?
I made a powerpoint to trip to.
you are so studious.
Randomize
