Do you think there is vodka in heaven?
you let me eat a milky way from your vagina. G is not lettin you hang out for eternity
a girl in my class is on a twilight fan site and running her fingers on the screen as edwards body comes up.
I think I'd rather ejaculate tabasco. You'd have to scrape out guacamole.
I can't wait to get all this Makers out of my shoe.
Have you been tested recently?
Well I got my shots when I was a baby so I think I'm immune
Sometimes one must go to great lengths and make great sacrifices to get drunk. I willingly accept the challenge.
It took him three days to realize his roommate had moved out.
Getting cock-blocked by Jeff Bridges. NOT OKAY.
I'm sorry but that single bed couldn't hold all five of us, especially with those boobs.
I am wearing two different shoes and just swallowed my gum. Wake the fuck up and bang the bartender already.
Next sat night Titanic party. Bring your floaties, trashy necklaces, and a large lung capacity. This ship is going downnnnnnn.
Honestly I'm so excited to go to bed I feel as if I don't deserve to be in my early twenties.
Halloween is the end of the singles holidays they don't start again until st. Patrick's day we better get wifed up or it's going to be a long winter lol
At least I know that however bad my life gets and how low I can feel I'll never feel shitting in a red robin parking lot low
You told him he “could park his dick in your garage”.
Well he didn’t. It shouldn’t be this hard to get a penis.
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