Can I come over?
Can't... I'm at class right now.
No your not
I'm outside by your car.
Is it really that bad? I heard it was like pooping. I like pooping.
One of my residents in my hall just found my positive pregnancy test from last year I hid behind the fridge, I'm just going to tell them it was for a science project.
being able to look good while almost puking is a skill that takes a lot of puking to develop.
If you're trying to piece together your night, I can tell you where those tassels came from.
I think you can do her, she seemed pretty set for revenge the second time her boyfrind high fives her in the face.
Im pretty sure you told the waiter at Dennys last night to take your pants off or show a nipple.
the only thing you and i have in common is the we like weed and looking at my naked body.
He's asking if he can send a dick pic. How do I politely decline that?
It felt like Party Santa dropped by and gave us two more 18-packs.
It's Saturday night and I'm sitting on my couch by myself, watching Glee, and drinking gin and tonics. If you listen very closely, you can hear the wails of my mother giving up hope that I will ever give her a son-in-law.
Hey I was just wondering if you could go look for my teeth?
I just remembered that before we left my house I vowed to stay fully clothed and I FAILED
You better not fucking die before we have sex while you blow fire. I'm serious. Don't mess up my sexual bucket list.
I talked to his mom for a good 10 minutes with coke all over my nose. Not the best first impression
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