Words of Wisdom: ordering a pitcher of whiskey cokes, putting a straw in it, and calling it your drink is not socially acceptable
i was concerned for your health after you took your "last shot" four times...
I am sitting on the floor by my oven watching my cookie dough blossom. This is a whole new level of fat
went for icecream. accidentally deepthroated it. my mom gave me a dirty look, but the kid behind the counter looked impressed
Just because it's been in my vagina doesn't mean it's important to me
He was the only guy who ever made me cry..
Who, the park ranger who made you dump out your beer on the beach?
That's actually a fantastic idea... The kinky sex dungeon will be vastly improved by the addition of a lightsaber
I'm not gonna lie. The only reason I haven't drank a whole bottle of crown tonight is because we only had 3/4 of a bottle left.
We decided to try to steal hot dogs but it ended up with me punching him in the face and crying. Pretty solid night
All I want is a wedding with a dress and a veil and where I can go and my cat can go.
But we made up last night and had unbelievably crazy sex tonight. I legit went blind for like 15mins from him choking me. It was awesome
These snow days are takeing a toll on my liver
Such a shame we didn't work out. We would've been a power couple producing NFL linemen :/
that may or may not have been my penis.
I'm wearing men's underwear
I don't know what to do with that information...
Randomize
