I had a new years resolution not to be a whore anymore, but I think I'm gonna wait till 2011
He' s half Black and half Italian, I finally asked...this penis maybe one for the records.
We have a drunk bartender with her nips a quarter inch from bein out buying us shots. GET HERE.
You just said the magic words
Fuckbuddy couldn't meet, so she's trying to find a substitute to come fuck me. Best. Fuckbuddy. Ever.
Lame. Party is tapping out at 4am. Even chanting "USA" didn't rally them.
hanging out with you guys is like living the wikipedia entry for drugs...not sure i can handle that tonight.
You were carrying around a milk crate, randomly putting it down calling out 'praise be to the milk gods' and making people pray to it.
Consider it an appointment to improve my blow job capabilities.
She is sending me pics of her sex faces...which totally counts as sexting in my book
In my defense, I haven't stolen anyone's clothes yet.
Yeah, that's a plus.
Pretend you're in a taco. That always helps me sleep.
Way to go. Now you have no beer and I have a cold tit.
I can't hookup with a guy in my car because it smells like Taco Bell..
There's something empowering about being at dinner and sitting across the table from two men you've blown.
It's been three years since Kelly shit in the to go box that we put in Sam's mailbox after we broke up. Considering Sam and I are friends again, should I finally tell him?
Randomize
