It's more exciting when they aren't single....and even better when you have to pretend that you just slept with their roommate while trying to do the walk a shame as their girlfriend comes marching into the apt.
Im not the least bit jealous of the life you lead.
how can i change my meal plan to a keystone plan?
woke up this morning with a pool of champagne in my purse. apparently i was saving it for later.
yea i thought the egg drop soup tasted weirdly like cum, and then i suddenly remembered what happened last night.
i'm never eating chinese again.
i don't care how ready and willing she is. she is where penises go to die
He could tell i had a fever by feeling my tits. He gets docter of the year.
He did plead exhaustion. And I made him push through it. I am like the motherfucking badass football coach of sex.
Dear female. Happy valentines day. If you have not had the pleasure of making love to me, please do not fret, I will get around to it soon enough. If you indeed have made love to me, then bravo, wasn't that grand! Perhaps we should do it again? Regardless, have a good day. This has been a public service announcement. Rock on.
Whoever put the rooster in the elevator is my fucking hero. Who even thinks of that shit?
We were basically fucking on the dance floor. People kept buying us drinks. It really only encouraged us.
Call it slutty but I take pride in being a first round draft pick booty call. And I know I was first cause he texted me at 1030a
Hey, I'm 22. I'm allowed to have a sex life and you're going to hear about it.
Just come home. We will have sex and Taco Bell. I'm feeling wild, I put on temporary tattoos.
I hate when my Bumble matches make it hard for me to stalk them.
Woke up next to my vibrator and a recipe for fudge brownies. If that doesn't scream I NEED TO GET LAID, then I don't know what else could.
Randomize
