No, dude. Even Jesus hates Creed.
Whatever, she only has 293 friends, she cant afford to be defriending me..
He didn't speak any English, but I think I caught the word turtle in there somewhere.
Why would he say turtle mid-fuck?
you're being stingy. if you didnt want people to have sex on your couch, you shouldve specifically said so.
Three questions... How drunk were you? How long until we can make fun of you for this? Do you even really need a spleen?
This is going to be one of those "I can only do this high" classes
After she asked if she could try to fit her toe ring around it, i decided to leave. Thats the life i live
im sleeping with a therapist...so you can talk to me.
And now whenever I see a documentary about dolphins, I think about sex, which is super weird
you take my contact solution?
drank it last night then filled it with brandy for the plane ride.
I woke up with my shoes still on and my pants around my ankles cause I couldn't get them over my shoes
Well. I hope my dad likes whatever sweater stoned me picks out.
I'm not real sure what dinosaurs sound like, but dude, she made dinosaur noises.
I'm setting goals and achieving them. I'd say I'm quite mature for my age.
You're goal was to fuck him and you don't even remember it.
He's finally divorcing her, so naturally he tells me that we're not exclusive anymore. His penis 'wants what it wants' apparently.
Randomize
