There are traffic cones in the living room. One of them is yours.
I hate to tell you this, but your sister reeks of whore.
the taste of these tagalongs is totally worth boning that creepy troop leader chick...
The girl behind me at the dollar store said couldn't wait to get her permit, then requested a pregnancy test. God I love being home.
He asked if I wanted to "hang out"
A verb which here means "do lines off my dick"
I'm also glad were at the point in our friendship where my vagina talking to you isn't weird
Well there's nothing more unattractive them a naked, soft man crying
Oh good your over him
I feel like a food baby is going to burst from my stomach and eat all the leftovers until another food baby rips out of its stomach. And so on. It's truly a merry Christmas.
So you met him?
More like I walked in on him, drunk, naked, and doing "bathtub yoga". Please stop bringing your dates home.
Im not coming back to that place until im drunk. If I walk in there sober Ill start screaming uncontrollably. Not words, just sounds.
Naw man, if he's crazy enough to jerk off on a public bus he's too crazy for me to fuck with
Blood everywhere...karaoke was nice
At one point my little brother was Rocky Balboa'd by a stripper's tit
I would just like to say that I was the one who said that we should find scissors, when they were cutting your hair with a kitchen knife. I am responsible.
I still feel bad for it, even though I technically only videotaped it and helped will to distract the questioning neighbor
I'm going to start talking to Bill again, he has friends with boats which means we'll get to go on boats.
Randomize
