Come home. Power Hour by yourself is only fun for the first 10 minutes.
walking through the french quarter. a homeless guy just offered me a pigeon. gotta love new orleans.
he started fingering my stomach rolls instead of my vag... am i really that fat?
based on the size of her vibrator, i'm going to be a huge disappointment
You passed out across the stairs with your feet and arms through the railings so you "wouldn't fall down when you blacked out and no one could get the pizza past you without waking you up". \n\nYou're the smartest drunk I know.
I told him i wanted to be exclusively cheating with him
A very small part of me wants you to appreciate me for more than just my breasts. But the rest of me is breasts.
Using his name makes it all too personal. I refuse to get attached to this one. This is all about ass. He doesn't get a name.
I just had the stunning realization that I lost my virginity in a bunk bed.
Sincerely. Thanks. You could have thought of anyone sitting on your face but you chose me. :)
My sobriety has gotten out of control. I think I need an intervention.
we are not taking body shots with the irish cream
I woke up this morning cradling my vibrator like it was a baby
To be fair, this is a tequila-while-rewatching-Benedict-Cumberbatch-as-Van-Gogh idea, so I don't know if it will hold up tomorrow.
Sorry you uh had to see that last night. That's the problem with open fields, no privacy...
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