The girl I brought home was really impressed with the pile of blow you were doing while watching "Intervention."
i had a dream last night that you and i organized a foursome. swear to god
ps i'll be in miami in early july. this text has no relation to the last one
i think he just uses that whole "grew up in a castle" thing to get pussy
We were just about to get down to business and shes like oh the olympics! and jumped up and turned on the tv. cockblocked by freestyle skiing. seriously?
Who won mens moguls?
That canadian guy... bilodeau... but you're missing the point, dude.
the fire alarm went off. we werent sure whether to leave or turn the music up louder
Sorry I didn't text you for coffee this morning...bad life decision Saturday sorta rolled into Monday...
LOVE ME LIKE A KANGARO LOVES A POUCH YOU DUMB CUNT
Yes stubble LOOKS hot but factor in his shitty bj skills and I might as well have jacked off with apricot scrub
she was literally 3 feet away from the garbage can, said she couldn't make it, and then proceeded to vomit on the floor in front of everyone in the restaurant
Are you still going to come over for your post Alcoholics Anonymous beer?
They said you bought the guy a shot and was talking about being Greek and then all of the sudden just puked all in their pitcher of beer and got kicked out of the bar.
Hey, remember that time a week ago when we walk-of-shamed literally down the Vegas Strip at 8:45am and I had one broken heel?
Our sex is like an episode of "The Simpsons." Picture Homer choking Bart, and that's pretty much what we're into.
He passed out in my car.
What's the problem?
HE'S STILL IN MY FUCKING CAR.
If you think I'm going to drive 5.5 hours just to bang a guy, you'd be absolutely right.
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