she says her boyfriend and her dignity are both out of town tonight
I need a sticker that says "It's no use hitting on me - I'm the plus one" Seriously, how do they think I got in in the 1st place?
He ate me out. It was like watching him trying to win a pie eating contest
As he was under the stripper backwards, he yelled "we should totally be facebook friends"
Imagine Captain Hook, but in penis form and sometimes shy.
He called me at two in the morning to tell me he was throwing the tiny Thor hammer at moving vehicles. Apparently he missed the guy on the motorcycle.
She asked if I wanted to "Mormon Motorboat" her, which I guess is just motor-boating her through her cloths. Turns out I did.
Between the puerto rican elf, the fat marine, the deaf guy and the ex coke head I've got a good preview if the men in this city...
just really comprehended the fact that I'm getting high at the same place I used to play as a child. the nostalgia and thc is mixing together in one, intense wave. WHO HAVE I BECOME
She doesn't even know his real name...he just keeps calling himself Hans the Third
I fell into a manhole last night, so there's that
I just got a lecture from your coked out sister about the monetary value of Dothraki hair braids. Take her home.
The fact that he quoted freebird as his breakup speech was a little more classy than expected
The condoms have been found. I repeat: THE CONDOMS HAVE BEEN FOUND. he isn't a collector!!!
I'm glad that we laid to rest the suspicion that he was keeping them in a scrapbook. yayy
Like, my vagina is jet-lagged.
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