so all night Ive been that girl with her tits out @ the bar. I mean I dropped jaws, yo. But in a classy way.
Maybe i should go to church more so i can meet girls like in that song, you know, the ones that act slutty on every day but sunday...
ah, so the catholic church. i gotcha
Our local strip club now has karaoke. Do you realize what this could mean for my sex life?
Getting sheets for college, what is the thread count that shows the least amount of cumstains?
630.
Nothing like a Mormon bachlorette party to make you feel slutty
The guys had to come into the bar bathroom and pep talk us all off the floor
I JUST HAD PHONE SEX. WHILE TAKING A BATH. FOR AN HOUR. EATING A PLATE OF BURRITOS. TOP THAT SHIT.
In other news, I apparently ate my retainers while rolling last night.
Idk but she keeps giving me s'mores and I'm having a hard time caring about her alcoholism because of it
You tried to get the Waffle House waitress to put a candle in your cheesy hash browns.
It's Saturday night and I'm getting shitfaced alone while reading Dino porn. Wassssuuuupppp
someone stole all your weed so you told us you were planning each of our deaths
I woke up and couldn't find her. She had somehow managed to get into the closet and lock herself in. She was crying for her boyfriend. Thirsty Thursday at its finest
I keep worrying she's gonna have a repeat of the time the ceiling fan was talking in Chinese
I once left mine in my bra and I forgot and I didn't notice it was there until it vibrated.
Randomize
