Is it really that bad? I heard it was like pooping. I like pooping.
she said shes getting her period tomorrow so she wants to have sex now. i didnt object. it would have been heartless.
ofcourse you didnt.
So I gave him a handjob and now we aren't friends anymore
You're at Notre Dame. What did you expect?
i've officially fucked a sailor, a policeman and a biker. I've never noticed my Village People fetish until now...
Just got judged by the front desk clerk, 2 maids and a security guard at the Sheraton. I've decided to use this as a character building experience.
I'd be there a lot sooner if these damn stairs would stop moving.
they superglued a cigarette to my fingers...i think I need to quit smoking.
Is eating fries while lying on the floor bad for you?
If I choke and die at least I will have been doing something I love
He had an extremely smooth butt for a man with such rough hands.
I'm at the back whiskey bar with a 7 and 7 in a winnie the pooh costume. Come find me.
Did I wash my face last night at your house? Where did my eyebrows go??
I went to Christian school in the 90s. I can finger blast anything, but dignity.
Sometimes having a penis is like having a really stupid drunk best friend. You see it doing dumb shit but you're just not the one in charge.
I just compared my relationship to that double ended dong scene from Requiem. This day just took a turn.
How is it that I can make it to my 8am Friday morning still drunk after passing out the night before...but not to my 9am on Tuesday that I went to bed early for? Irony or karma?
Randomize
