I get so lonely sometimes I set my phone's alarm to go off every 5 minutes or so and imagine people are texting me.
how can i change my meal plan to a keystone plan?
get home. someone threw up in the fishtank last night.
I buy you gas. You blow me. Economics.
She's lying on the sidewalk wailing that she is gonna die alone, with hundreds of strangers watching us, and also we lost Kate, . Please help me
you kept telling us that in dog beers you only had one
casually drinking alone with your cats. do they like sparks?
I just saw a group of 50+ year old women all wearing shirts that said "drink up, bitches" ...please tell me that can be us some day.
Don't count me out just yet. Considering bartering a blowjob to see if that boy from work will take my shift.
Literally the only reason we didnt get arrested was because the cop said I reminded him of Steve Stifler from American Pie
He's only done it missionary. His world is about to be rocked. Do you know what I look like from behind?
I refuse to go to a doctor for a sex injury, not when I've come so far already
Good new is, my parents are alive. Better news they will be in the hospital all weekend. Best news is im having a house party. All weekend.
Pretty sure the delivery guy saw me taking a shit this morning
His phone started ringing when we were pulled over and he said 'hold on, this is most likely more important than you', proceeded to answer it and agree to work sunday, then hung up, looked at the cop and told him to continue.
Randomize
