I dont wanna date her. I just wanna be able to run a blacklight over her face and prove ownership.
grab my backpack.....its in the fridge
She was so adorably desperate I didn't have the heart to tell her I wasn't a lesbian. So now She's making waffles, may switch teams over this.
At least we kept it together. It's people like him who yell at bushes that give acid a bad name
he walked out as i was licking snow off of his car...
I am in macy's and just straight up heard an old lady taking a crap in her depends.
I'm trying to pinpoint the moment when "don't do anything I wouldn't do" became bad advise.
There is a hatefuck that has the destruction level of an atom bomb raging through my viens just aching to vaporize her.
Be proud. All I did last night was roll around in my nun costume selling drugs. I love Halloween.
SOMEONE has to puke in the potted plants at an Xmas party. As their boss I felt it should be me.
I`m watching Shallow Hal & Jack Black has better nipples than Jimmy's chick.
The bartender has no bra and is giving out free shots. Call mom I'm getting married.
I want to get up and tell you that smells delicious but I'm struggling with the idea of pants
ITS THE FIRST FRIDAY NIGJT AFTER MOVING IN WITH THE NEW ROOMIE AND I ACTUALLY JIST RIPPED MY TAMPON OUT AND THREW IT IN THE NEIGHBORS YARD WERE GOINF ON THE BOAT AND SLEPEING IN HIS AMBULANCE GOODNIGHT
I just realized, you're dating a guy named Jameson. That is another level of whiskey dick.
Randomize
