So, I'm about to rent a movie, order pizza, and use my vibrator.... Am I dating myself?
So I walked out of my room and there was my brother....standing naked
And if you don't call me, I will embarrass you publicly with a can of spray cheez.
peeing off your aunts pourch into the koy pond seemed like a good idea at the time
Ice cream after masturbating>masturbating any other time
Yes, he made a MIX CD for our booty call...
Casually had to file a missing persons report last night
i got a standing ovation for bringing skittles to the party
If you wanna be a real wingman, create some insecurity and comment on that pic of all the hot girls with "Id do every girl in this pic.. except the fat one".
Some people dream of being astronauts others dream of having genitalia that shines like Edward Cullen in the sun
After you passed out we took your car to the campus and stole a 150lb plaque that's now in your trunk. Happy birthday!
Maybe not Elvis quality pharmaceuticals...But some good stuff
He asked me what I wanted for Christmas. I told him an orgasm would be nice.
I'm going to be such a slut in Europe I've already decided
Send me dick pics. We'll make a scrap book
Does this cleavage amount say, “Fuck it, I’m over dating, let’s just fuck?”
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