Note to self. Condoms are not microwavable.
you want my honest opinion? I'm sure refering to her vagina as the "bat cave" was your first mistake.
Successful New Year's Eve:: Your first shower of the year is on Jan. 2nd... 'cause you didn't trust yourself to stand up long enough on Jan. 1st. Hello 2010.
Would it be inappropriate to do lines in front of the cable guy?
At the bar dressed as a taco. not a typo. Come down.
My sheets, bed, and bathroom are covered in blood. She needed 14 stitches after a trip to ER. This is the last white girl I ever hookup with.
Whoever I saved in my phone as "Jackpot" last night has your keys.
I just try to date guys based on what I need like I am trying to find an electrician now
You gays are geniuses
I'm ready to sell my soul to the strip club tonight
We had sex in the church bell tower and somehow it still feels right.
No one with a hairstyle like that is allowed to insult anyone for anything
Buying drug test kits off amazon. And qualifying for amazonSmile donation to a kids hospital feels wrong and funny at the same time xD
Just had to break it to that one guy that I can't sleep w him bc he looks identical to my brother. So how's your morning?
i spent most of last night convincing myself that dan akroyd wasn't actually standing in my bathroom holding a dead chicken
I just woke up, its 6AM and i'm pretty sure the guy passed out next to me is 70% ugly...
Randomize
