No one figured out why I brought along the vibrating massager.
so far we have 6 big wheels and 10 boxes of wine for the tour de franzia. team drunkslut is favored to win the yellow jersey.
All I want is tacobeell and your body
that's my favorite sentence you've ever said.
I CAN CONTROL MY GERBIL WITH MY BREATH. HE FOLLOWS THE SMELL. PROBABLY WOULDNT BE AS EXCITING IF I WASNT HIGH OFF MY ASS, BUT STILL
his version of basketball was throwing hot sauce packets down my cleavage at taco bell at 2 am with his buddy.the cashier kept score
If it makes you feel any better about life I'm wearing yoga pants with granny panties and toms with socks cause fuck my life
I sewed up my pants, stole his girlfriends white shirt, and went to work hungover like a responsible adult.
The first thing we did this morning was see if we could see her barf in the prking lot from the roof. We could. It was in 5 spaces.
I find it weird that you'll let me in your vagina, but not your house
I just gave myself a foot massage. #SingleAsFuck
Still fucking the ballerina?
She can put her legs behind her head.
Enough said
got some info she was last seen with some guy wearing goggles
..and by hang out i don't mean fucking then going back home i mean let's get something to eat & watch a movie and fuck sometime in between.
If the amount of time the owner spent looking at my tits is any indication, I’d say I can probably sleep my way to the top
Oh I had the weirdest dream in which I was an archeologist stealing a golden dildo from a snobby British person
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