Remember that night when i almost got you arrested? Is that funny yet?
what if every blade of grass was a penis?
the next morning i told him i was impressed that he remembered my name. he said it wasn't that hard when "tracy
it's been like two and a half months. And I swear, I keep seeing walking dicks. I think I'm going crazy cause of lack of sex..
I am listening to lecture and I can hear us in the background talking about anal beads.
No one would take shots with Caroline so she asked the bartender for like 20 jagerbombs and then shouted "JAGERBOMBS FOR HOMELESS ANIMALS BENEFIT" and everyone started doing them with her
It's a journey
And the destination is his penis?
Precisely.
her 18 year old son fed me pieces of a french roll like a pigeon, as I lay on the floor of the bathroom crying.
You're lucky I'm tired or I'd take a pic of me mounting a reindeer yard decoration
She legitimately thought I was hiding in the fridge, then she checked the second one to be sure
Hi I am too sober and out of rum. Translation: I owe you some beer. Also, get better taste in beer.
the only reason I'm still sleeping with him is to get the university's secure wifi password
Fuck you. Leave my nipples out of this. THEY DID NOTHING TO YOU
Good morning 7am walk of shame. It's been awhile.
Things could not have gone more poorly if I had stripped naked and run through the Sahara with sirloins tied to my vagina.
Randomize
