I sharted during my first quiz and I couldn't leave, I went ahead and took the rest of the day off.
You are an asshole
haha sleeping beauty awakes.
Where did you find this costume?
we thought you were sober enough for a movie but you took one look at emily blunt and screamed "aw this bitch?!" and passed out 30 seconds later
You know you're hung over when your pose in art class is lying face down on the platform
I just cleaned your Jaeger vomit off my car with a knife. Don't ever say I don't love you.
I realized I'm gonna have to fit cheating on my gf, sleeping with my gf and having dinner with her parents all into one Sunday evening
he's the only person i know who can drink himself into and out of alcohol poisoning.
I pissed myself at the bar so I threw away my wet underwear and kept partying... you act you've never done that before
It's like the blind leading the senile over here.
UPDATE: shit just got real- grandma is threatening to beat grandpa with a wooden spoon covered in chili.
Paris has not been good for her. Everytime she has a one night stand from a different country, she buys a mini flag and tapes it to her wall with the others
Hiding the dark circles under my eyes this morning was like trying to hide a Beached Whale on the Couch eating Pita chips.
Congratulations, you have turned my vagina into a garden hose.
I may have had several rum punches and then gone to the store and used European cucumbers to prove my baton twirling prowess.
I'm so sorry to hear about your grandmother. Also how many grams are in an eighth?
You fell out of his top bunk onto his set of golf clubs. After seeing blood on your leg, you proceeded to sing "the first cut is the deepest" while sprawled on the golf clubs
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