i am pregamming alone in my car. scale of 1-10 how alcoholic is that
im pretty sure thats an 11
a bus full of elementary school kids may or may not have seen me pissing off my front porch this morning
Just found a shot glass and plan b in my backpack...
Im guessing the shot glass is for plan c?
I'm going to skip that pointless convo with Mark, stick with the "we're talking" status, and bone barely legal, borderline gay, preppy guys on the DL.
Just because it's been in my vagina doesn't mean it's important to me
In case you were unaware playing with rabbits on ecstasy is the greatest thing ever. I feel like I'm ODing on adorable right now.
he broke up with her mid blow job, and somehow convinced her to finish. I want his life
Just found an "inspected with pride" sticker on or around my vagina
I'm just pissed at the whore who takes over my body when I'm blacked out.
Our penis' have led to more networking than mark zuckerberg.
Her virginity is one of the last things that remains of our childhood.
That is NOT what pussyfooting around means. Try that again with your toe and I break it off.
I just licked a piece of cheese off my phone screen if that makes you feel any better
Do you remember vividly describing the shape and girth of my cock to that girl last night?
His wife isn’t coming to the wedding! I’ve got 48 hours to home wreck him. Gotta go, I have to shave my vajayjay and buy some really slutty underwear. Love you!
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