just took a sink shower in Arbys bathroom
i have essays due online every friday...im just going to write 'im hungover' for every one
Look, all I'm sayin is $2 boilermakers and an expense account are probably a bad mix…
she might purposely get aids just to give it to you. I think she might hate you that much.
I was cleaning out my bag and I found some xanax wrapped in plastic with a note that said "use in case of emergency"
Just bought all my wine for the weekend with a check at 11am. I'm almost judging myself.
Walked back to my room from the bus last night and all I see is 3 of my friends on the porch chugging whiskey and then throwing up in unison
Haha I haven't even had my interview yet and I'm already trying to fuck my way to the top. 'Merica.
Wake your sexy ass up. It's donut time.
Sometimes turtles just really trip me out man
There's an owl outside. I feel like he's hooing directly at me.
I think curling is the best thing to watch when you're baked.
Why is "Oprah of drinks" written on my arms?
You said to write it on you, after you kept saying, "You get a drink, you get a drink, everyone gets a drink."
Sometimes I wish I could tell all my past/present hookups what the nicknames that my friends and I have assigned them.
Just come here quick. I'm home in 3min. It will take you literally less than 5 to walk. Then 2 to undress, 16 to fuck, 2 to dress again and 5 to walk back..!!
exactly 16 eh??
Randomize
