somehow on my way home with matt, I ended up straddling steve on the sidewalk and polling the people walking by on whether or not we should have sex.
we got back to my place and he started talking about feelings. i politely told him to leave and that he managed to cock block himself.
the women in the ladies room did not appreciate my innovation of turning a sink into a urinal
I have seen more male genitalia at this party tonight than I ever want to see again in my entire life.
Mom just apologized for her lack of a gag reflex not being genetic.
Shame should no longer be a word in your vocabulary.
she laid there and continued moaning loudly for like 10 minutes after we were done, just so that her mom would be jealous
No The bastards made me buy a new one, They don't cover water damage an apparently they consider salsa water damage
GOD DAMMIT TARYN WHY DO WE ALWAYS HAVE TO ROB PLACES IN OUR FUTURE PLANS?!
my paper on vitamins just turned into a 2 hour tangent google search on what i should buy to best cure a hangover. I need to stop getting high before homework
My neck is PURPLE. This is NOT a good day to be indoctrinated by the cardinal...
Trump won PA by a fucking landslide. If only Cruz hadn't eaten that booger.
She's eating hot cheetos out of the bag with chopsticks, Matt, how is she NOT my soulmate?
Earlier today I was eating cookie dough from a tube, now I'm laying naked next to a hot guy watching Pawn Stars in between orgasms. You really can have it all.
No, I barely made it home last nite. Kept telling cab driver I live across the street from Susan Sarandon?? Thank god her coop addy is posted online.
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