he made me salute his american flag boxers before i took them off
do you know why "how to shave your balls" is bookmarked on my computer?
I just watched Jersey Shore so I would know what rock bottom was when I reach it.
there are certain things about getting into a cab to go home at 630 am that make me feel like a prostitute.
Can we end it on a good note at least? Can we fuck and then never talk again?
You know your in for a great weekend when you buy the booze already in crutches
So getting drunk in honor of the bomb threat is legit right?
Omg.....I raised my camera to take a pic at this presentation, and I wanted to zoom in, so I swiped my phone to the left and up pops my dick pic from last night.
I can't bring myself to turn around to see if pple saw it.
But the real question is how many people didn't see my dick last night?
Hey, if I can't get it and you're still alive, can you get the glass out of my foot? Happy Sunday.
I kinda wanna Instagram the giant vag stain on my sheets. That is something to be proud of. It's a Christmas miracle.
I'd cum everywhere if I could have chicken nuggets right now
The only thing I remember is the 300 pound man breaking ur railing from sliding down it at 3 am. Must of been a good night.
For future reference: bathtub full of cheeseburgers = win.
a reward? ill think of something
if its not drugs or food I swear to god ill throw a fit
Randomize
