her boobs were like sundried tomatoes..
just googled chastity belt to see if it really exist..
I've been drunk so often this summer being sober is exciting
Just signed my boyfriend up on a dating website so I could officially have a reason to leave him for my hot neighbor.
He completely dissapeared at the baseball game. We found him passed out at the hotel three hours later with souviner photos of himself at the top of the Sears Tower.
think I signed up for a 5k last night while blackout.
I would just like to point out that someone I had sex with drove me so I could have sex with you. I deserve some type of "most loyal booty call ever" award.
Get the fuck back here. Your brother taped bottle rockets to the front of his scooter and is bombing around screaming, "Rest in peace, Goose!"
Last night I dreamt that I sold my car and used the money to have wheels surgically implanted in my feet and legs so I became a human heely and I just rolled everywhere
Literally sucked a dick for ten seconds before I said to myself, this tiny ass penis isn't worth it. My night last night
Did my extra credit for a class I badly need to pass at the bar of Friday's.. kind of sum's up my college career. Got a 90 though.
Ahha guy saw me buying beer, went "hmmmmm" and nodded his head approvingly. No words exchanged, but he has made his way to my heart haha
I think I just saw my socks in the parking lot.. gonna keep walking
I’m a lady. I promise I won’t oogle your junk when we go skinny dipping.
There are only a few things more freaky than wandering around a zoo drunk.
Randomize
