Done. Eyebrows are waxed, entire body shaved
I was just walking through Burbank and saw a hobo using solar panels on his shopping cart. We must be in trouble if the hobos are researching alternative sources of fuel...
Dude, I had to masturbate just to stay warm. Please pay the gas bill?
My shirt is ruined. If I ever get the idea of doing a tequila shot through my nose ever again, shoot me.
I feel bad for the cleaning lady. All you can smell is latex and Jaegermeister
I just spent a pre-4th of july celebration riding in a raft being towed by a car through a town that I've never heard of handing out flyers for a river rafting company that I never knew existed. Good night.
Pretty sure I sang "What Makes You Beautiful" to some random guy in a parking lot last night...
she just stared at nothing and then looked at me and goes, "that's a weird place to put the wall"
Would nail polish remover take gorilla glue off my nipples? We had a strange night.
i just called my dad a bottom. he agreed
Come here I'm naked
And I want mozzarella sticks
I gave him a handjob in the uber car. Life is really spiraling downwards.
Ive decided to see your threat against my life as you flirting
I heard you ran into my sister lastnight. Do you remember making out with her and slapping my uncle?
i literally have the attention span of a weasel on steroids, but yeah, i know who you’re talking about.
Randomize
