my girlfriends now gay ex-boyfriend kissed me. tell maddie i can't hangout today
if i get an abortion, then will you go out with me?
when i got to my bed there was a handwritten note that said "wash the sheets." sleeping on the couch.
why is there a sandwich nailed to the wall
how drunk are you?
What does that even mean anymore?
Just ordered an appetizer sampler to distract the fat chicks so we can escape
Driving to get a preg test with my ex, wearing my unicorn hat
You are so not ready for motherhood
So we'll go out later for condoms and cake batter... aka grocery shopping for champions.
i miss freshman lecture halls much harder to take shots in a class of 20
I don't know, I think having hemorrhoids shows character. You have to be trying pretty hard to get them.
you can't just say no to brian. he was bugging me to get me to drunk for 14 hours straight yesterday. HE DOESN'T GIVE UP
The German just referred to my vagina as the Great Barrier Reef and that he was going to go diving in it.
Thanksgiving day drinking ended up with me in a shopping cart screaming where are the bitches and condoms. I'd say it went well.
It's almost sad. It's like the Harambe of vagina stories really.
So now I'm just going to brush my teeth, get high, and go to sleep. Like an adult
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