You told me you were pretty sure you were god because you knew everything about everyone.
i'm at the gym and so are four guys who have seen my tits. i need winter break.
the bouncer kept askin you for id just to see how long it would take you to find your pants
Not only did I hold your hair back as you puked, i french braided it. I am such a great friend.
tell me why there is a bowl of oatmeal from starbucks in my purse
Thursday nights need to stop happening to me.
The last thing I remember is teaching our waffle house waitress to do the stanky leg and promising the grill cook we would come see him at his other job.
The last thing I remember was doing a line in the shape of Texas
I was changing in front of my window and my neighbor text me saying, "nice pubes."
Goldenshlager is a hell of a drink. And these are the adventures ur missing out on w me. I gave someone a bath Emily. A BATH.
Awkward
Can't say I wouldn't let it happen again.
New low. Just realized I hooked up with a guy from Grindr in the hallway of a building my great grandfather used to own..
I mean of all the things to be cockblocked by, Taco Bell is pretty high on the list
I've come to the conclusion that my issue is I'm not fucking a guy with a headboard
I just remembered something. We made out last night, people cheered.
We had sex on a couch that was held together by Velcro. Want to know an unsexy sound? Velcro ripping apart under your bare ass.
Randomize
