The kid in front of me is videochatting and typing to his gf. I should make poop/sex faces over his shoulder, right?
i blame lastnights decisions on friday the 13th
yeah after seeing those pics of her puking into my underwear drawer i remembered again why i didn't want to invite her.
you didn't check your sock drawer yet did you
He passed out on the patio with nothing on but his boxers. So we put our beer caps on him. Yeah he woke up with a polka dot sunburn.
Go for the frenulum. Its like eating a popsicle. They go nuts with that shit.
My dad just called from upstairs on the house phone to tell me to bring him a beer. You tell me how I am.
I just need to know if he's either really genuine about being in my life or being in my vagina.
Somewhere along the night we ended up at a food lion giving jello shots to high school girls.
Mystery solved: The table is broken because I had sex on it last night.
Also, we accidentally donated a bong to goodwill
It makes no sense at first, you go with it, it's fun and entertaining and then a disaster
I'm starting to question if I'm gonna need to bring a raincoat just to drink around u
U act like I can cum on command
I just figured out the time exactly by how many shots and beers that I've had since this morning. I either have a terrible problem, or a great solution.
He better be a good lay, these underwear cost $50.
The last thing I remember saying was "Tequila for all!!"
If you count the sounds from the room down the hall....that was definitely NOT the last thing that came out of your mouth.
Randomize
