That was rough. We had a 50% puke rate and 100% still drunk rate at lunch
We sat in your minivan all night in a parking lot pretending we were in the magic school bus going to the sun
you probably should not have drank the wine that everyone spits out. and the sad part, that was not even your low point last night
based on the size of her vibrator, i'm going to be a huge disappointment
All I heard was "You have collect call from Lafayette Parish Jail for Dude it was awesome! I'll tell you about it later!"
she tossed me in the back of the car and said "god gave u the gift of life and I wanna swallow it"
I asked you how much you drank and you replied with "I don't know what kind of toothpaste I use."
I hope the doctor doesnt lift up and my shirt and listen to my lungs. I dont want to explain why I have rug burns on my back.
Oh I forgot to tell you that while you were in the bathroom last night I made friends with a gay man named Rodger from Venezuela and he kissed me cheek and told me I "knew how to shake my thing". From now on we go to the bathroom as a team.
He's short and fat and honestly I think he's what my self esteem was made for
Omg. I'm making you a chocolate and "herb" birthday cake and using joints for candles. I'm gunna need moms help with this!
Successfully put eye drops in while driving with my glasses on. Stoner level: expert
Wanna get mid day margaritas tomorrow if I'm still alive
We're at the liquor store. Then going to the hospital
My New Years resolution is to not hook up with random guys.
Mine is to not hook up with anyone who has a kid.
Randomize
