Women are like Alzheimers patiens. You can compliment them a million times in a day, but the next day is always a wash, you have to start all over.
I just needed to know whether or not to wear panties to work tomorrow.
To bright to open both eye. Get pizza and put in feeding tube so i can sleep more
This sounds like "Sober" Ericka. Sorry that message wasn't for you. I only do business with "Fell off the wagon" Ericka. Please pass that message along to her.
Another night, another sound of my neighbor almost having an orgasm.
And she used to have such long ones. Sad.
12 garbage cans filled with water, a beer can floating in every garbage can, 20 ft. apart and you shoot with dodge balls..and thats only how the night began
If i evwr doyble fist jack daniels and smirnoff again, i hereby give you permission to take them both away grom me and give me and give me a glass of wat
he just sent me a pic of him naked with a bucket of margarita mix hanging off his dick
Guess who isn't pregnant with a random sex ocean baby?!?!
He was so high he started playing Twister on the striped rug. Then when we missed midnight he went on a screaming rampage about his New Year's Eve being meaningless. How do you think it went?
why did i wake up in the bathroom?
we had to stay with you a while until we convinced you it wasn't safe to wash your face, then you fell asleep with your foot in the toilet.
Can I just go naked and covered in glitter?
He actually said the words 'I miss you' followed by 'I wanna have sex with your face'. I'd say that's a win.
A guy who takes a plate of chicken tenders away from us is not to be trusted or slept with
Every time I look at him 'Relax' by Frankie Goes to Hollywood plays in my head. Is that weird?
Randomize
