Get everyone into the kitchen. I need you all to witness me friend-zoning him. Just in case.
We're not even buying beer. Just vodka. In pre-retrospect this was a bad idea but we're doing it anyway
Her mom is home on her lunch break. Guess who's hiding In the Closet?
Look, if he's not the brother with three nipples, I'm just not interested.
The Ex's are trying to talk to the GF. Game face bro.
I just came so hard there were tears. Actual tears.
I send him pictures of my tits whenever I feel like he's paying too much attention to his girlfriend.
I'm still pretty drunk right now, but when this hangover hits me, I'm going to be super pissed. It's a preemptive never drinking again.
Crappy Mother's Day to you! Those of us who don't have children fill the void with hot sex, sleeping in, more sex, leisurely suntanning, foreign travel, overseas sex, paying cash for sports cars, watching TV, having sex on the floor in front of TV porn, lounging around the house, or whatever the hell we want.
You get home okay?
I'm pantless and in bed
That doesn't mean you're at home.
his butt looks cute in my panties so i decided he has to wear panties all the time from now on.
Woke up this morning with Nerf Bullets stuck to everything in my house and nut in my belly button. What exactly happened last night?
I almost forgot to feel shameful, if that answers your question.
If it's any consolation she turned out to be has a collection of clown dolls she talks to crazy. And the cops knew why I was calling when she key locked the door from inside.
Granted, I did not plan to spend ANY hour of the last day of 2020 sober.
Randomize
