The mexican place next the the funeral home has dollar margaritas, our grandfather would want us to act on this... trust me i know.
I really super glued a paper bow tie to my body last night. I need to do less drugs.
A small child is toddling around the store, holding a coloring book and a shot glass. Thinking of you.
This is a test of Andrews drunk texting, had this been an actual drunk text, all the words would be spelled incorrectly and would be missing key verbs and nouns, followed by a request to not get fired.
I found what appears to be half an E pill and part of a tooth in my pocket this morning
He led me to his room and handed me the remote, he left to go take a shower and there is a group of guys across the hall just staring at me... Its like they know something i dont. Help me.
You told me to ditch them in the park, and when she jumped onto the car to stop us, you told me to scrape her off against a parked Jeep. That drunk.
I'm sorry for biting your husband's ass last night.
they sound like some classy girls.
Hey, I don't give them daddy issues, I just take advantage of it. The real bad guy here is American parenting.
They don't even know who I am but they just woke me up with maracas and invited my boobs to a kegger
I told him I felt we were at the point where if I saw him talking to another girl, I'd probably choke him out. So I guess you could say things are getting serious.
Well as if this year didn't suck enough already, I can now count 2015 as the year I got chlamydia
Chasing down vodka with apple juice and crying. Alone.
Is it normal for a guy to send you a dick pic along with “He misses you”
He may be a manwhore, but he’s a very well endowed manwhore
That’s an important feature when it comes to a manwhore
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