girl! he was asleep with his back to me.he farted and i actually felt the wind blow across my leg.nice
there's a guy here who looks like a hipster got a hold of obama and gave him a makeover.
im so glad i don't have to work tomorrow. I'm spendin all night on the new call of duty.
Wow. That's the gayest thing you ever said.
Look man i'm staying in playing videogames and growing a beard. Its not like i'm trying to get a girlfriend.
its a saturday night. im home alone watching legally blonde, eating week old birthday cake and drinking milk out of the carton. so yeah im doing real well
Look, we all have our slutty phases. Mine is just forever.
Being thankful with your family is one thing. Being thankful with your friends while getting drunk and smoking bowls while eating leftovers, priceless.
But if you were going to pour a liquid on your naked body in fall its definitely pumpkin inspired something.
Please send me a thumbs up pic afterwards. No homo. After you've redressed and are heading for the walk of shame out of course
I consider any night I don't make out with someone a bad night. So I've been great.
I should probably stop opening conversations with 'guess who's horny'.
Not as awesome as someone telling you that you have the biggest tits they've ever seen. And they're like 30-something, so they've seen a decent amount of tits in their lifetime.
Just keep in mind that she didn't start telling you you had the largest penis she had ever seen until AFTER she found out about your multi-million-dollar trust fund.
I found dried jizz from last night on my leg while feeding an infant a bottle. I am not fit to care for children
You chugged Absolut from a beer bong. Why WOULDN'T you be a champion?
Oh I had the weirdest dream in which I was an archeologist stealing a golden dildo from a snobby British person
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