She has HUUUUUUUGE nipples
my mom just told me how she used to love having sex while stoned. wtf.
I know I'm really high but I swear I just saw him beating off to his fantasy football roster.
how do i word it so it doesnt sound like im asking him if he has ever been in jail.
Also just realized how inappropriate it looks to other drivers to finish bottles of cheap champagne at stoplights
and she was grinding on the wall, purring at guys she liked at the pregame...
I woke up smelling like the ciroc you tried pouring into my mouth last night. I think my clothes are still soaked
Well, my nose won't stop bleeding from really bad cocaine and my purse is full of plastic gold coins. Also, someone saved in my phone as "tyrannosaurus sex" won't quit texting me. Savannah won. Let's put it that way.
I know. I told you I'm a mess. She had weird nipples. I almost lost an eye to one.
WHY IN THE FUCK DID YOU LET ME DRUNK PUNCH STEVE? HE IS SUCH A NICE GUY!
so i ran into nick. i may be more gay than anticipated
Her cat was breathing in my ear all night, like that kid from Hey Arnold.
I was sleeping and woke up in the bathroom already puking like i slept walk. Perrrrrrfect.
My girl friends dad just asked how I get so drunk and then he passed out with a bloody Mary in his hand on the couch it's 230 do you know where your parents are
Soooo you're telling me you support us groom's men giving lap dances to willing patrons?
Randomize
