Just kissed her with a dip in my mouth... She was either too drunk to notice or too cool to care
gail simmons from food & wine magazine just heard me order my plan b pill
did you ask her what wine to pair it with?
And next time, don't pick a fight with me when you're naked. That's just not fair
So...it's hour 4 of day 5 of week 7 of my internship, and so far all ive done is shred paper. all. day. long. it's like working for Enron.
drunk sex in a shower = bad idea broken arm
The Ukrainian kid just told me that our econ professor wants to bone me. Please tell me that phrase means something different in Eastern Europe.
He just kept screaming "I have democratic immunity" as the cops dragged him into the car.
i was mezmorized. she was the most beautiful girl that looked like a boy i ever seen
Well. It was around 3 or 4 in the morning. He ran into the woods. Wearing moccasins. Holding an extension cord. He was trying to catch a deer. That about sums up the awesomeness of the night.
Everybody in the immediate area is hooking up like it's doomsday
WHY AM I NOT THERE?
I'm totally wasted about to ride water slides. That's goddamn 'Merican. That and Clint Eastwood.
Are you trying to say I've made an emotionally well rounded transformation similar to the Grinch?
I opened my eyes to the dog snorting coke, I decided it was best to just close my eyes and forget what I saw
Remember I am not doing blow tonight. I REPEATE NO COCAINE unless I do it with your mom
If I lock her out of the apartment right now would the neighbors have grounds to sue?
Randomize
