i just google imaged poop.
woke up this morning with pubes superglued to my face, not my pubes
He made me stop in the middle of giving him a blowjob so he could go get his glasses. because he "wanted to see". I need to stop dating nerds.
It's called penis withdraw. Or alcoholism. I get them confused these days.
Sketchest drug deal yet.... I just got paid in quarters and chucky chesse tokens. I need to stop hooking my friends up.
bikini waxes are so much more painful when you know you're not getting laid
Is singing the Indiana Jones theme while I put on the condom off limits?
I'm not the one who can lose their erection, so it's fair game
He said bow chicka bow wow. I never thought being sexually degraded would be such a turn on.
They're tearing apart the house I lost my virginity in:(
Is there a polite/non-lush way to ask how alcohol ranks on their list of priorities? Because like idk how to break the ice furreal.
You randomly sent me a black Santa Claus emoji at 2am. I think alcohol was involved.
It started getting weird when you decided to scold my vagina.
RUDE you're the one missing half a nipple...
IT HEALED AND GREW BACK TO BE A FULL HEALTHY NIPPLE OKAY
if you and your penis don't hurry up, I'm getting drunk without you.
um care to explain the stolen chinchila under greg's bed..i'd be fine with it if it wasnt chewing up the stash
Randomize
