You know, Peter Parker would not have been nearly as cool if he had gotten bitten by an ant.
you're kinda like the weird girl from The Breakfast Club after the makeover. i mean you're pretty, but you're still weird as fuck
Just opened a beer with eyelash curlers... miss you.
If him repeating sorry while thrusting isn't makeup sex than I don't know what else is
I think I've reached that age where I should start dating "congrats" and not "are you keeping it?"
dude. you ripped the mardi gras beads off the girls neck and yelled she didnt deserve them..
Please find an outlet that isn't stripping or getting drunk and arrested
I feel like my teeth are caked on with other teeth. What did I just smoke?
Traveling before 21 and traveling after 21 are two different things. There's a whole nother world of red white and blue weird out there
We are keeping it ultra classy drinking 40s and playing croquet with 90s rap blasting in the back ground
They've already turned me into the Dean of Students once because they felt 'unsafe' because I came home hammered and asked one of them to make me a grilled cheese sandwich. Like, I just ASKED!
Seriously??? You send me boob shots with your husband and kids in them???
yeah the cops just showed up and they got there ass handed to them at beer pong.
Now all my porn is stored in my parents’ basement. It’s like a part of my soul is boxed up
I cam home to find him twitching on the floor, surrounded by unopened condoms and covered in cranberry sauce (yes I tasted it) while Thundercats was playing.
Randomize
