I just wish we had the ability to download food from our TVs.
His mom took away his car and made him quit his job.
HE'S 26!!!
I'm too hungover to be in a fucking cow suit right now
I feel like I had eight dicks in my mouth
I just had a flashback of 4:30am: me hugging the toilet bowl and you handing me a jar of pickles to open. There is something seriously wrong with us.
I'm trying to spell out I love you with a series of photos of my penis, but I just realized I can't do the Y of you
Fuck him for salsa, please. I heard its a good recipe.
so the good news is that i can't possibly burn my eyelashes off tonight at the bbq.
Her mom walked into the garage as we were smoking a kush blunt with sombreros on.
I was thinking more like a "sorry you can hear us, but I'm having the best sex of my life" cake
Partying with them is like having your dick stapled to your left nostril
I'm just going to have crazy good sex with him until one of us developed feelings that works in the movies right?
I'll be honest, I too would punch the 21 year old version of myself in the face, and then have rough sex with him.
Just come home. We will have sex and Taco Bell. I'm feeling wild, I put on temporary tattoos.
Put viagra in his coffee. I did that with Geoff last month and three hours later I had bitten through a throw pillow and gotten a noise complaint from a neighbor
Randomize
