So, I'm about to rent a movie, order pizza, and use my vibrator.... Am I dating myself?
im in Michaels with rachel and i see a little boy jumping around and waving a rainbow pompom. Welcome to our team little one
Whenever I said your name you screamed polo and did another shot.
My Pizza Lunchables won't fit in the fridge because of all your alcohol. One of our addictions has to give.
Do you think you can get drunk by standing in a tank of vodka if it is seeping into your skin?
I was so stoned on the way to work, I pretended you were in the car with me. We sang "Mrs. Jackson" by outkast.
Note to self: Do not bring gift bag with cock ring inside to family Christmas. Leave to unwrap at home.
Nobody in the ambulance liked me...
Day #3 of being the only sober person at the bar. This is depression.
Running errands with mom, cool. Coming to pleasures with mom for her valentines night, not ever in a million years cool.
You didn't say, "No." And you stole more than half of my Snickers. You owed me that dick.
Plus he stuck it in when you were sleeping which would have been the tipping point for me but you art school kids are all liberal and shit
Crying on the toilet and taking a shit. This is what being an adult is about
I haven't been drunk for four days and just realized I haven't taken a shit for three. This can't be healthy.
Which part?
You went after him with a sword while screaming “FAJITAS!”. And Todd was dressed as a Goth for some reason
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