I'm pouring my heart out in these texts and you're going around showing everyone???
Why dose there have to be another girl there for you to do this?
its hotter. Way hotter.
that girl looks like she smells like hot dog water...
possible father of this baby just finished his test first in a lecture of 200 people. other possible father finished about 100th.
I'm rooting for #1.
Absence makes the cock grow harder.
Pretty sure that's a used tampon hanging from the tree outside my window.
we found him passed out on the baseball field with two 40oz and wearing a tophat.
Where did he get the tophat?
Me hangover (as projected). That sounds like a plan. Ill do it for Mexico
You dropped a beer and it was like when wilson floated away. Complete with sobbing apologies
Shit, no womder she didn't wanna fuck me
haha all our friends are at the carnival and I'm on stage dry humping a 40 year old
HEY JUST FOUND A SHIT TON OF MONEY IN THE PURSE HE SENT BRB GONNA GO BUY ME SOME MALE STRIPPERS AND BATHE IN THESE TWENTY DOLLAR BILLS
It was one of those mornings when I wake up and feel like I have to say sorry to the whole world
I just found three upside down bottles of grapejuice in a triangle around the air freshener above my toilet... I guess it was one of those nights
I'm laying backwards. On the stairs. Eating carrots. And drinking from a captain Morgan bottle.
Just convinced the cute guy from class that I have prostate cancer. GET ME OUT OF THIS TOWN!
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