I only want to know people that are dynamic intelligent and totally insane
I am not drunk. I will recite the pledge.
I don't want you to recite the pledge!
Pledge alligien to america to united states of america
During the middle of giving him head, he flashes his phone and says "I like to watch."
I'm in the liquor aisle and a 10 yr old boy yells, "My favorite beer is Corona! Daddy remember when you gave me some on our camping trip?"
Exactly how does jacking off in my purse count as a 'early christmas present'?
I am VERY upset that you called my fiesta a waste of time.
Good idea. You gotta take care of your vagina. She takes care of you. Pay it forward.
He told me he felt like he was just pistol-whipped by Testicle Man.
I woke up this morning with a text from my mom as to why the hell random people were showing up at the house. Turns out nobody came to our house party because I gave them my old address, fuck pre-partying for real
He called me baby cakes during sex... Can U not
The date went significantly better after the fifth shot of fireball.
By far the fardest thing to do drunk is open a band aid
I'm 2 weeks in to my all dick and carb diet and so far I've lost 2lbs.
First morning at school this semester and I threw up in a bush during my walk of shame.
we bonded over knowing every word to freaky gurl by gucci mane so it’s kinda starting to make sense why I gave him head in his cul de sac
Randomize
