after we finished, she said she had been a backup performer for Cirque du Soleil. THAT flexible.
I'm the only kid serving jury duty. And I'm the only one who may walk out of here in handcuffs for a warrant. I'm enabling these people to doubt America's youth once again.
I wasnt that drunk. Throwing the table off the third story was totally logical.
Just drove through Taco Johns wearing a drug rug and no pants. When I rolled down my window, the girl paused for a minute before saying "um... 4.07"
Went to get my tattoo today. Found out the piercing girl is bi. I may just get my nipples done to get hit on tomorrow. Confidence is low these days.
Kegstand on crutches, you need to get on my level.
I just wanted to warn you I have strep throat incase I gave it to that guy we both hooked up with on New Years.
I should start wearing my Batman shirt more often when I drink. Good things happen. All sorts of shit.
I was riding him and in the middle he literally said "fuck yeah, Amy Winehouse"
I'm gonna eat more dunkaroos to cope with what's in my vagina.
Please tell me I made it home with both shoes on
Nope
Apparently she "missed me" and the only logical solution was to fuck my brother.
So what other shows do you masturbate to? Or is it just friends
Anyways enough about genital fatigue...
I just found a contact in my phone named "Nick from The Party". Who's nick?
Randomize
