The nurse told me they're using the same medicine that killed michael jackson.
The slutty girl scout law, revised for halloween 10: on my honor i will try, to serve my vagina and my shot glass. To hold back friends hair at all voming moments and to live by the sluttly girl scout law.
you set the microwave for an hour telling me that the done sound was your alarm.
Does anyone know why "math wizard" is written on my arm?
I recommend you throw your keys as far as you can in one direction, your phone as far as you can in the opposite direction, and hold on.
He was the only guy who ever made me cry..
Who, the park ranger who made you dump out your beer on the beach?
He came when Ron Burgundy started playing the jazz flute. How do you think it went?
If there was a tv show called "True Life: My 58 Year Old Dad Rolls Better J's Than Me" I'd be on it.
The uberlube is also flammable
new district manager is here. you need to come in early
5th mimosa says otherwise
I threw a dessert topping at a baby tonight so drink up! If you stay sober tonight I will be very disappointed in you.
She asked how comfortable I was with her while we were in the shower. She then proceeded to pee in said shower.
It's not a walk of shame if you run
You texted him 17 times. Asking for him back and sending random pictures of Jimmy Buffett. He didn't answer.
Bro, I was just laying in bed with this girl and her boyfriend came an woke me up
Randomize
