conclusion of the day: americans need to get on tredmills, people need to learn how to flush toliets and learn how to pee in then instead of on them, and waiters shouldnt tell their life stories to customers.
i woke up at 5 am and found myself wrapped in christmas lights that were plugged into the wall.
stayed up to watch the sunrise..saw an albino taking shots on the quad..it's like there's a whole new world of people out there just waiting to meet us
I've decided to turn your sobriety into a reason for me to be able to drink more.
a guy tried paying for lapdances with cds, who uses those anymore?
He cooked me dinner. I showed my appreciation by showing up shithoused and breaking a bottle of steak sauce on his floor.
I got lit on fire and andy went to jail last night. Totally unrelated incidents though.
My clit ring got caught in his beard. Never. Again.
How drunk are u on a scale of one to couldn't get it up if u had a gun at ur head?
oh sorry. I thought "boat" was code for "penis"
You know what? The sex was so bad that I don't even care that I gave him strep.
We're currently sharing pics of our cats. I can't wait to sit on her face.
I don't remember much, but I remember he called me the dick whisperer, so it must not have been all bad.
can you come here so we can have really loud sex? the girl upstairs walks so loud i want her to know how it feels
of course
i think she learned that just cuz half shots were easier, doesnt mean she can have triple as many.
Randomize
