I wish I could teleport
i dont care if it was her birthday. if she leaves me with a half rack of budweiser and her boyfriend obviously shits gonna go down.
he seriously made his penis a facebook.
The druken crowd just broke into singing "God Bless America" while waiting the newlyweds to get in the limo. My friend is eating rose petals.
Sorry about giving you those ripped gym shorts after my dog ate your pants, but after the awkard BJ incident I didn't plan on hearing from you again
you took a potato out of your pocket and just started eating it raw. don't know where the potato came from though
21st birthday = success
I forgot to tell you, the medics put you in a wheel chair. ( I kept telling you to cat daddy) oh you also gave everyone high fives for speaking English.
Sitting here reading the internet and all i have to show for this summer is a shitty tan and the possible case of clamidia.
I definitely pole-danced a parking meter outside a party last night. The cheering was appreciated.
I like how my motivation to lose weight is so I can wear a nude bikini and get covered in body paint for the tribal party. Priorities.
Can you pick up from work today? There's a surprise for you on the bed and I haven't gone blind which is positive.
I was totally pumped and so was my beard
He didn't have much of a personality. But I had like 100 orgasms, so that's cool.
Too stoned. Randomly can't get the image of Emilio estevez's smiling face out of my head. What is life.
Someone explain to me why I woke up to find a stolen shopping cart in my room...
Randomize
