you think thats bad? Today I had to pop a zit on my sack.
we have a love-hate relationship...we love having sex but hate waking up next to eachother
Well unless he sent his sperm via fedex, this baby isnt his
He went around feeding all the high kids pretzels. He's like their god now
Sorry I sent so many blank messages. My hands are slippery. Don't ask why.
I will be naked everywhere
If I can't get slightly excited by the thought of his face between my legs then I know I can never sleep with him.
I can affiliate each flavor of Copenhagen to a different one night stand. I really love Texas.
He is stood at the top of the stairs nursing the stolen cat
You want to groom your chest hair? You mean with a little baby chest hair brush? Because that sounds adorable.
So one possible side effect of women taking Viagra is that my tongue feels swollen. You having any?
it is my last wish that my tale be published posthumously as a warning to anyone thinking of eating burger king at nine am
World Cup Drinking Game: Take a shot every time they call a foul for something we don't understand. Gotta risk it to get the biscuit.
Just escaped from the ER. Meet me at the bar in 20 minutes.
Just made a secret hand shake with my sisters cat. Boredom at its finest.
Randomize