No, I was feeling sad because all of the other girls were like model-skinny. But then I remembered that I had big boobs and went to hit on their boyfriends.
I've been congratulating people on facebook about their forthcoming pregnancies. I can't wait to see how this plays out
last night i found out that about 5 of my friends audio recorded us having sex through the bedroom door, then auto tuned it in the tpain app on his iphone.
Either seal the deal or get out of the room, I don't want to hide in this closet anymore
She wore that goddamn strap-on all night. When she was playing guitar hero it kept getting in the way but she just wouldn't take it off.
did you by any chance leave me that 7 minute long voicemail of you running and constantly tripping into bushes?
I have too much pride to pick his chest hair out of my mouth again
Just saw a huge group of people walk by in there in their underwear. Too stoned for this.
Note to self: semen does not count as food to take medicine with
I asked him if we could hang out sometime when we weren't hammered. He said he'd email me his number... that's when I knew I was going to die alone
On second thought, is it weird that I scheduled a surgery that determines my fertility around lingerie football night? I might have fucked up priorities.
Absolutely not. I would have done the exact same thing.
We just don't discuss our relationships. It's pretty much like we're single no matter what to each other. And I'm okay with that. ¯\\(ツ)/¯
We had sex in his hot tub. Then we saved a mouse that almost drown in his pool. We celebrated our heroism with more sex.
If you bring home Chipotle tonight I'll give you an epic bj...ball play and all #datenight
My legacy here is being that tiny blonde girl that threw someone down and shouted "Fuck your face, I'm Dee Dee Ramone."
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